by Tom Schmidt

Jan 25, 2000

There is no way that I could spoil this movie for you -- the movie's writer did that for me. Seriously, it would have been far, far better if it had been made more 'campy' -- you know, like, have the heroine burst into song at the end. As it was, Lou Diamond Phillips tries his best (which at its best isn't all that good) to be the tough, strong, silent-type sheriff of the town-so-small-that-the-maps-are-at-1-to-1-scale somewhere in southern Texas. These people are under attack by bats (oops, sorry, "Bats") and they don't do enough to make us care.

The most entertainment that my 10-year-old son (who liked it, by the way) and I had was to try to make as many bat puns during the scenes as we could. Apparently someone (the director maybe?) had similar fun, as the background contains lots of silly references to bats, blood, etc. (The theater in the town is showing "Nosferatu", there is a Red Cross Blood Drive going on, etc.) Pity that such details weren't evident in the main characters' dialog & directions.

I predict that Joe Bob Briggs will be lampooning this movie in short order. If MST3K was still running this movie would be a candidate for Crow & the gang's dialog. Maybe Joel will see this movie and it might make him bring MST3K back... if that happens - and ONLY if that happens - then this movie will have some redeeming value. But I'm betting that he's smarter than I was and won't see this movie (unless he has a 10-year-old boy to entertain.)

 

by Rick Gagliano

Jan 25, 2000

First of all....I didn't like it. Now upfront I want to say that I went into this film with a completely open mind...despite the initial thought of "how good can a film be with Lou Diamond Phillips as the lead?" I was able to set that aside for about the first 10 minutes of the film, after that I found myself questioning my ability to make reasonable decisions about what to do in my free time. "Birds" oh sorry I mean "Bats" is the story of a slew of birds...oops I mean bats, that invade a small town and begin to attack people. A few townsfolk (those that moved from here from the film "Jaws") refuse to believe that the threat is real and remain on the streets despite a curfew. Well they'll soon regret not listening to Lou, for they are about to get attacked by killer birds...oops did it again...they are about to be attacked by killer "Bats". Yes I once again closed my eyes a few times during the film, no not because I was afraid, but because I don't need to see a close-up of flying mice-looking creatures eating people's faces. As a distinguished film reviewer, I was able to notice that a few things challenged the reality of the film's storyline...1) Lou's ability to fight the bats with the help of two others despite the fact that the U.S. Army got their butts kicked by the bats earlier, and 2) that Lou was able to waddle through a stream of bat poop without getting sick. Had those two scenes not taken place, I may have actually believed that the film had a few positive qualities. Bottom line...you have to be truly "batty" to see this film.

 

by adam stoneface stunner

Jan 25, 2000

hey buddies, adam stoneface stunner is back to catch you up on the latest great movies. this movie was terrifying, but great. i loved the idea of bats attacking people. im glad that i went with my dad to this movie. i was hiding under his arm through the whole thing because i was honestly afraid that the bats would attack me, i suggest you do the same. this movie also reminded me of when i used a bat to play baseball, eventhough i didnt make the jv team, i still love bats, eventhough they are scary. see this movie now!